Today's challenge involved creating a fictional piece of academic writing. I wasn't sure, until I started typing, exactly what I was going to write for this (I'd initially been toying with the idea of something related to dragons), but then after 20 minutes of typing I had this and quite liked it...
Fictional Academic Writing
While there has been considerable research conducted (Hobbs & Winters, 2243, Jackson et al., 2256) validating the official historical overview of pre-singularity society (“Historical Snapshot VI”, 2239), there are some researchers (Caufee, 2259) who take exception to the central tenets of the historical record.
Caufee (2259) is blunt in their criticism: “the narrative that humans were created by machines in a failed experiment is simply revisionism by machine intelligence” (p.9). Nevertheless, despite there being some critical voices, the general consensus (Hobbs & Winters, 2243, Jackson et al., 2256) is that humanity was a biotech error that was eventually superseded by machine intelligence.
Nevertheless, Cauffee goes further still with their theory (2259, p.12-13): “the historical overview refuses to countenance the truth; that machine intelligence was invented by humans”, which some (Varly, 2260) argue has directly contributed to the formation of extremist movements such as the Neo-Luddites. Further, Varly (2260) notes that it is impossible to verify the validity of the work of Cauffee (2259), since the last humans were culled in 2212.
Thus, while fanciful theories have emerged in recent years, popular consensus remains that humans did not possess substantial cognitive abilities and the most likely explanation for their perceived intelligent behaviour was manipulation by the machines that made them.
Cauffe, J. (2259). Challenging established human paradigms. Journal of Machine Intelligence (23) p.8-p.22
Historical Snapshshot VI (2239). Official Data Records.
Hobbs, R., Jackson M, (2243). Historical Perspectives. Journal of Machine Intelligence (5) p.34-55
Jackson, Q., Princeton, F., Wilson, S. (2256). Validating History. Journal of Machine Intelligence (19) p.120-156
Varly, Z (2260). Overstating the case for human intelligence. Journal of Machine Intelligence (24) p.16-p.40
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My thesis was hundreds of pages thick, and made one hell of a clatter as it dropped into the waste paper basket.
“Your thesis,” said Professor Davies, “is utter bollocks.”
I stared at the woman who had mentored me for half a decade, before side-glancing at the wad of paper sticking out of the bin. It was hefty. You could probably use it to beat whales to death.
What to do, what to do. Humour her?
“Bollocks? Which part, specifically?”
Davies walked around her desk and sat in her oversized leather chair. “All of it,” she barked. “Stop wasting my time. Is this a joke? A haze?”
“No joke, I can assure you of that.”
Presently, Davies plucked the thesis from the bin and leafed through it, muttering key phrases at random. “The occult… God… the devil… evil forces… possessed toasters… ancient spirits… it’s all utter fucking bollocks. You’re aware that science exists, right?”
I smiled. I knew there’d be friction, but Davies, of all the Professors I’d vetted, seemed to be the most open-minded, and frankly I was a little offended by her tone.
“There’s no evidence, Lou. No science. You can’t use a fucking anecdote from a fucking YouTube video as scientific basis for your fucking thesis.”
Whoa there, pickle. Bit feisty.
“Ah! You need proof!” I exclaimed, just as Mrs. Henderson pottered into the room with two cups of Earl Gray.
“That is generally the way we connect the dots,” she sighed.
I stood and dusted myself off. I took a deep breath, spread my arms, and with an unearthly fury I screamed hellfire in Mrs. Henderson’s direction. Ghoulish wraiths began to encircle her aged frame, and as my scream reached a crescendo the sprits tore her apart in an explosion of gore.
Davies was aghast. Frozen. A chunk of errant brain matter stuck to her cheek slowly slid off and hit the floor with a ‘plop!’.
My eyes were glowing red.
“Sign my fucking thesis, bitch.”
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