Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Apocalypse (anytime) Now...

Image Courtesy of NASA
As you may have heard, the world is going to end in 2012. To be more specific, the world is going to end on December the 21st, 2012. Which works out quite well for me as its only two days after my birthday (there's a good chance I'll still have a hangover) and four days before Christmas (so I don't need to bother splurging on gifts for the family this year).

However, it appears that things are working out even better for Vivos - The Underground Shelter Network for Long-Term Survival of Future Catastrophes - who are flogging floor space in their fortified bunkers to the gullible chosen few, for up to $50,000 per person...

Their homepage states that

"People around the world are sensing that a global life-changing event is just ahead. Vivos is the life assurance solution for you and your family to survive the next devastating catastrophe that either nature or mankind may create.  Ask yourself, which side of the door do you want to be on?"

And, in order to be helpful, their website is happy to cater to a whole range of potentially catastrophic scenarios, from Nuclear War to Global Tsunamis, from Solar Flares to Super Volcanoes. But, while Vivos seem quite happy to wax lyrically about a whole range of disastrous scenarios, they're clear favourite is to play on the various concerns people have about 2012. They've even, handily, included a countdown timer so you know exactly how long you've got until your end is truly nigh...

So, what does all your money actually get you? Well, $100,000 gets four people a 120sq foot bedroom suite in a fortified shelter with all the amenities demanded by the apocalypse, including decontamination units, armoured vehicle storage and a (clearly essential) fully stocked wine cellar. Check out the video below for the full sales pitch:

I am sure that, after seeing that, you are likely convinced that you should be getting in touch with Vivos immediately - especially since that old Mesoamerican Long Count clock is ticking...

But, before you go putting your hard earned money down, consider this - the Mayan prophecies made reference to the descent of Gods from heaven and I think we all know this means only one thing. That's right - aliens. And aliens, my friend, it appears are not something that Vivos have taken time to reflect upon.

I, therefore, took it upon myself to contact them in order to find out if their shelters were going to be of any help when the alien invasion occurs:


I am very interested in your shelter and was very impressed by the listed specifications, as well as the comprehensive scenario information you have on your website.

However, for those of us who believe that the Mayan Prophecies are linked to the return of an ancient Alien race, do you believe that the Vivos shelters are capable of resisting an invasion of this type? Particularly, are the shelters well disguised to ensure they cannot be located easily from the air?

Thank you in advance for answering my queries.



Their reply was swift, although somewhat ambiguous:


Without knowing what alien technologies exist, it is impossible to say that a Vivos, or even a government bunker won’t be detected, but we can assure you that they are very stealthy.

Support Center
The Vivos Group

Still, at least they didn't dismiss me as some crackpot. Which, I suppose is not surprising when you run a company dedicated to extracting tens of thousands from people who believe global catastrophe, due to anything from a shift of the magnetic poles to collision with Planet X, is just around the corner. But, in summing up, you should perhaps remember the Vivos slogan:

"Ask yourself, which side of the door do you want to be on?"

And, in a contest between the apocalypse and being locked in an air-tight bunker with a thousand paranoid lunatics, I'm thinking I'll take my chances on the apocalypse's side of the door please...

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