I Have A Dream...

So, what was it that brought this blog back from its medically induced coma and me back to the world of blogging?

It was an idea. An idea that came to me while sitting enjoying a latte macchiatto in the sunlight. However, since it is my theory that most ideas seem wonderful when you're drinking a good latte and enjoying rays of April sunshine, I decided to hold off for a while and thoroughly evaluate it.

That took until the next latte arrived, by which point I had convinced myself that it was quite the most fabulous idea I had ever had...

The idea is simple:

I want to travel to the US and trace the history of the Blues - from the Delta to Memphis, from Chicago to Texas - meeting intriguing people associated with the blues along the way and bringing along my guitar for company while I use this blog to write the whole thing up.

A simple idea that combines four elements I have a great deal of fondness for:

1) Travelling across the USA. Always wanted to do it but have never got around to it.

2) The Blues. I love most types of music but the Blues has a special place in my heart. It's the music I keep returning to again and again and when I play, it's what inspires me.

3) Playing the Guitar. My relationship with the guitar is an interesting one. I love the guitar but I'm not sure it loves me. I've been playing on and off (mainly off) for years but any vague skill I have on it is a merely a triumph of my willpower over my inate lack of musical ability.

4) Writing. I love to write (you may have noticed) and the idea of transcribing my dream trip (and preparation for it) will be fun to write. Can't promise it will be fun to read but, hey ho, can't have everything, eh?

There is a whole lot of preparation involved in turning this idea into reality but this blog is going to chart the course of that. It's also going to chart the course of me really trying my damnedest to hone my guitar playing to the point that I can, by the time I do this, feel confident enough to get up on stage and jam my way across America.

Personally, I think this is going to be a whole lot of fun...

Catch Up Post

Ok, first of all - June 25th, 2007 - has it really been that long since I last posted? I guess it has.

Well, this a brief update (for anyone with a vague interest in such matters) is that I ended up getting the MA and then went on to find myself a job (and an entirely suitable one at that!). Which rather put a big dampner on the whole 100 jobs thing, if I'm honest...

You see, it felt dishonest to carry on applying for unsuitable jobs while I was engaged in employment and although I had such great fun writing it at the time I realised that 100 jobs was set to end as both a success and a failure. A success because it was a rollercoaster ride (I would never have believed I'd get over 100,000 visitors when I started it and go on national radio to talk about it) and, yet, a failure because I never did manage to reach 100.  Job number 78 was the last and I think will be the last. There all still here though in the archives, so if you want to read back over my attempts (amongst other things) to be hired as a pirate, a psychic medium, a substance misuse trainer, a bodyguard, an experienced sock designer, a sheriff's correction officer or a part-time antelope keeper then you can still read them.

But, the time of unsuitable job applications is at an end. I'm now moving onto something else entirely...

Job No. 78 - Director of Events

Well, it's been quite a busy time lately - I had to get all the coursework in for the taught section of my Masters finished off (which involved plenty of late nights) and I've now moved onto the Masters Project (which, while less stressful than the coursework, is still taking up most of my time). Ok, I admit, I'm making vague excuses for why it's taken me so long to get around to writing another job application...

Although, in my defence (and offering a further excuse) I would have managed to write this application earlier if my car hadn't decided to die a death today. Something involving tappets and worn cam shafts I believe - and none of it any good! So, if anyone would like to donate a new engine - or indeed a new car - to a struggling writer then please get in touch! :-)

Anyway, enough waffling about me...this morning, while meandering amongst the Guardian Jobs page (a perennial favourite) I happened upon the following position - European Healthy Stadia Project Manager.

The problem of ill stadiums has been largely ignored by the medical profession but, with the Olympics coming up on us fast, it's obvious that they're trying to act before it is too late. I mean, just imagine if you had to cancel a major event because Wembley Stadium had contracted a case of the chickenpox?

However, as tempting a job as this was, I soon stumbled across something bigger, something more exciting - something which was surely a much better fit with my particular skillset. So, today, I have applied to be the Director of Events at the Royal Albert Hall.

Being a very cultural sort, I felt this was right up my street as it served to couple my inventive nature with my keen understanding of how to entertain the cultural elite. The job description called for "the creativity to identify and develop opportunities for new programming ideas."

I was determined that my application should give me a place to express some of my highly innovative and creative ideas by suggesting some opportunities that they had perhaps, hitherto, overlooked.

Obviously, the Royal Albert Hall is synonymous with classical music, opera and ballet but I felt if it was to appeal to the common man it needed to find some events that were less elitist and which offered great inclusion and accessibility. Hence, for starters, I have proposed Celebrity Mud Wrestling, Opera Karaoke (with a pitcher of beer and free curry thrown in for the price) and spicing things up a bit by luring the Adult Video News awards away from Las Vegas...

I'm certain that when they read my glittering and bold vision, they'll soon be whisking me down to London to start planning their event calendar...

Book update...

Well, while there's no news yet of any publishers deciding to snap the blog up and give me a huge seven-figure advance (allowing me to retire in luxury where I can spend all day drinking tea and eating cream cakes), there is a little bit of an update on the news I had in January - the news being that a US publisher wants to include two of my blog entries in an anthology of non fiction...

Today I found the book (which is released in July) had a listing on Amazon! Apparently it is a collection of "Narrative nonfiction at its cutting-edge best from writers at the cusp of recognition and fame."

The editor published the book with the intention of finding "new voices and innovative ideas — essays and articles written with panache and power."

I am quite pleased that someone thought I fell into either of these categories. However, I am not quite so certain about the old 'at the cusp of recognition and fame' bit - unless it's a bloody big cusp, that is...

Job No. 77 - FHM High Street Honey

Well, I know it's been a while since I managed a job application - life has been rather hectic of late - but today I stumbled across news that FHM are looking for a new High Street Honey for 2007. Apparently it's:

"...the biggest - and sexiest - competition of its kind, with a prize to make any aspiring model go weak at the perfectly-formed knees. Fill out the form below and then submit your pictures for a chance to win £10,000 and a place on the FHM cover. Good luck!"

Now, I realise that a competition is not quite a job - but it's pretty close and winning the competition would ensure that I would receive a "guaranteed modelling contract with a respectable modelling agency with whom we have a strong relationship."

From what I understand of the High Street Honeys competition, it is traditionally aimed at female entrants but - since I didn't see anything in the rules that prohibited males from entering - I figured I might as well have a good go. So, I started by reading FHM's six easy steps to taking a winning Honey's photo...

Step 1 - Do Wear Black
This wasn't too much of a problem for me since the vast majority of my wardrobe is in black. It would have far been harder to find something that wasn't black. Getting a suitable pose involved taking a look at some of last year's finalists, digging out the digital camera and - one quick ponce around in front of a door later - I'd captured my first FHM picture. I then made it black and white for a more artistic look...

Step 2 - Do Utilise Your Surroundings
I didn't have many surroundings to utilise - but I did have a door so I stood in front of it...

Step 3 - Do Be Proud
Apparently, if you have won an award, you shouldn't be afraid to show it in your photo. It was at this point that I cursed my misfortune in not stumping up the necessary cash to purchase my 2006 Editor's Choice Published Poet Ribbon Award Pin - just think how proud I would have been if I could have managed to get that into the photo!

Step 4 - Do Venture Outside
Once in a while, I find that I must abandon my PC and venture out into the world that lies outside my living room - it doesn't happen often but, fortunately, I managed to capture the momentous occasion on camera and used this for my second FHM picture....

Step 5 - Do Remove the Bra
FHM give the handy advice that 'half our last top ten lost the mango-hammock and got to the final!". Not possessing mangoes (or indeed any other kind of exotic fruit), let alone said hammock, I felt secure in the knowledge that I had done my best...

Step 6 - Do Show a Little Nip
Ok, so I fell at the final hurdle; both of my entries were completely nipple free - and, may I point out that any comments along the lines of 'but you made a tit out of yourself' would be almost entirely predictable...

So, with my pictures sorted I just had to complete the online entry form (I decided to name 'My Mum' as the person who had nominated me) and agree to the terms and conditions (which would, should I be chosen to reach the final 10, prevent me from appearing on the covers of rival magazines such as Maxim or Loaded). Now I just have to sit back and wait for that ten thousand pound modelling prize to fall into my lap...